Think of a time when you came up short on a promise. It doesn't matter if it was a project at work or a promise to a friend. The result which you agreed to deliver didn't happen.
The inevitable questions of "Why?" and "How come?"get lobbed into your court like a slowly spinning tennis ball. Choice time. Overwhelmingly, the popular preference is to blame someone or something else. Blame falls to a cast of usual suspects: the weather, someone took ill, traffic, lack of resources, lack of time, miscommunication and, my personal favorite "I did the best I could with what I had".
The excuses (let's call them what they really are) beg that you acknowledge the fact that although the work was accepted, with or without complaint, it couldn't get done as expected because of the context of the situation. I’ll admit that acts of God and other people letting you down are things beyond our control. But did you even spend a minute of your pre-event time asking “What if?”
The 'unexpected' lays in the shadows waiting to leap in our path while we're busy fulfilling our obligations. In fact, this happens so frequently it's probably more common for events to get crazy than to run smoothly. There's always a fire drill popping up when something is due or someone is depending on your help.
Fast forward to the aftermath. You failed to do what was expected. Worse yet, you laid blame on something you couldn't control in the first place. So what could have happened differently? Planning for one. Contingency plans are part and parcel of being effective. You just can't get rattled by a couple curve balls.
As that realization sinks in and its time to face the music, can one look inward for the answer? That's where it is, you know. I call it the introspection assumption. I assume that you will ask yourself some hard questions about your failure. And there, in your heart and mind you will find that there was something you could have done better or prepared for in advance.
There's a natural revulsion about visiting that dark place within us where truth hides waiting for discovery. When sharing what we find there means an admission of failure, we muster even greater resistance. When pride, ego and honor are threatened, we react by going on the defensive.
The required conscious step, disassembling those walls and embracing humility is a mighty task. Assuming responsibility and taking ownership make us vulnerable to scrutiny and punishment. But there’s a benefit, often an unintended consequence of embarking on the introspection assumption. Sincerity and right intention arrive. Those modifiers begin the arduous task of “placing credibility back on your side of the ledger”. A friend of mine used that line when asking for an explanation of inexplicable behavior. The person had been introspective to the point of becoming mute. The person met us halfway, but never really came clean for his error.
So what’s to be gained from traveling the inner pathways behind the veil of ego? Truth? Embarrassment? Character? Shame? Integrity? Suffering? For some, it is the Eightfold Path.
I taught about Siddhartha and how he eventually left his princeship in the mountains and continued to persecute himself where he inflicted self torture. He eventually found the answer under a sacred tree and became known as Buddha. The name is interpreted differently but basically means, "Enlightened One." He continued to teach and preach and came up with the, "Eight Fold Path." I used to explain them all but 10th graders didn't care so I shortened it to, "Do everything right."
ReplyDeleteLao-tse was even harder to explain since the religion believes in, "Wu-wei," which means, "You fulfill your destiny by doing nothing." I found that hard to believe but I've always been skeptical of religion. I couldn't understand how you could fulfill your destiny by doing nothing. I figured you were just nothing then.
I finally mentioned it to another teacher and he said, "I change my religion every year so I can learn more about it. This year I believe in Wu-Wei." I asked him what was the deal with that? He said, "It's like a rock in a stream. The rock stays in the same position as everything flows around it. The rock never changes."
As I walked out of the room I said, "That's bullshit, eventually the flow of the water will wear away the rock so the rock does change."